Can you pinpoint a time when you were at your happiest? As we move through life’s ups and downs, it’s not always easy to recognize our best moments while we’re living them. Hoping to gain some wisdom from an older perspective, therapist and relationship coach Deborah Krevalin and her daughter, Samantha, asked Krevalin’s 90-year-old mother, Ruth Kenler, “When were you happiest in your life?”
Without a pause, Kenler answered, “Probably when my life was the most hectic.” She added, “My husband was still in medical training and I was in charge of three children of three different ages. We had very little financial resources, every part of my life was very, very difficult, but it was so full and so happy.”
Having also raised three kids herself, Krevalin also agreed. She revealed, “I still like to be hopeful that the best years are ahead of me, yet I was the happiest when I was just raising my three children and working my ass off, and didn’t have tons of help.”
Many people online were inspired by the conversation and reflected on their own experiences raising a family. One person commented, “Yesterday I came home from work, the house and garden was a mess but the kids were running around the house after time in the pool and I was thinking to myself, ‘What if these are the best years of my life and all I see is…the mess?’” Another person shared, “The most difficult time was so pure and intense, a lot of struggle but also love and happiness.”
Of course, not everyone agrees that raising children is the happiest stage of life. Many parents find those years incredibly challenging, with little time for themselves. Meanwhile, plenty of people without children say they’ve built deeply meaningful and joyful lives in other ways. Finding happiness is different for everyone, but research suggests we’re often searching for fulfillment in the wrong places. Instead of always looking ahead and chasing milestones, studies show that showing gratitude and being present are among the strongest predictors of lasting happiness. That means joy isn’t reserved for one particular chapter of life—it can be found in raising a family, nurturing friendships, building a strong community, persuing a creative hobby, spending time in nature, or simply appreciating the small moments.
Watch the insightful three-generation conversation in the video below, and see even more of the relationship coach’s videos by following Deborah Krevalin on Instagram and TikTok.
Therapist and relationship coach Deborah Krevalin and her daughter, Samantha, asked Krevalin’s 90-year-old mother, Ruth Kenler, “When were you happiest in your life?”
@debkrevalincounseling We asked my 90 year-old mother when she was the happiest in her life. She didn't say retirement. She didn't say when things finally slowed down. She said raising her kids. In the trenches. The chaos, the exhaustion, all of it. We spend so much time waiting for life to get easier before we give ourselves permission to enjoy it. And here is someone who has lived nine decades telling us her peak wasn't the calm. It was the mess! #motherdaughter #family #therapists ♬ original sound – Deborah Krevalin, LPC, LMHC
Deborah Krevalin: Website | Instagram | TikTok
Source: We asked my 90 year-old mother when she was the happiest in her life
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